Alone Time
I’ve slowly come to the realization over the years that I’m the type of person that needs quite a bit of ‘alone time’ to stay sane. I guess technically this means I’m an ‘introvert’, but I’m certainly not a loner. I’ve read about it in articles and on the web, and the real differences between introverts and extroverts is that the latter feel energized by being around people all the time and are in their element while in a crowd, while the former doesn’t necessarily dislike people, they do feel drained and exhausted after being around groups of people. I am definitely the former. I’m sure most people associate introverts with loners and people with no social skills, but I assuredly don’t fit that stereotype. Luckily, my girlfriend is learning this about me and starting to understand a bit. She’s definitely an extrovert and can talk to anyone. It’s probably taken some getting used to it for her, but at least she’s understanding that I don’t necessarily like to hang out with people 4 or 5 nights a week.
According to the Myers-Briggs Indicators, the two classes fall like this:
- An Extrovert is energized by the outer world of people and things
- An Introvert is energized by the inner world of thoughts and ideas
I would go ahead and venture that I do feel more energized by thoughts and ideas, as opposed to what is going on around me with people and things. Yet, it’s such a fuzzy line with every topic in psychology, as no ‘text-book answer’ is going to encompass someone’s entire personality. For example, here are a few more traits of introvert personality types:
- are interested in their own thoughts and feelings
- need to have own territory
- often appear reserved, quiet and thoughtful
- usually do not have many friends
- have difficulties in making new contacts
- like concentration and quiet
- do not like unexpected visits and therefore do not make them
- work well alone
For #1, yes, I am interested in my own thoughts and feelings. Am I selfish, probably, but those things are really all I’m selfish about. For #2, definitely. I don’t need much, but I absolutely must have my own space. For #3, yes. I never really talk to people unless I know what type of person they are first, which means I’m basically quiet until I get to know someone. But it’s rarely the case around the people I’m closest to. They get to hear all my stupid jokes and impressions and rants about how Bill O’Reilly must die. For #4, not true. I have a decent amount of friends, although probably not as many as someone who is truly outgoing. But that’s just fine with me. I’m pretty picky about who I can stand to spend much time around, so those that have stayed my friends over the years have earned it. For #5, if this is referring to cold-calling potential sales contacts, then yes, I do have trouble. But as far as talking to new people, I’m just fine. I may not introduce myself to everyone in a room, but I can have a conversation with just about anyone. For #6, yes. Unless I’m drunk. Then its time to party and shake dat ass. For #7, never really thought about this, but it applies. I don’t really like people that just drop by completely unannounced, but I don’t really have the same issue with doing the same to my single friends. For #8, yes, yes, and YES. I probably do my best work alone. But its usually because I hate to be slowed down by people I need to rely on in a certain task. Yet, I’m also a great team player, and don’t have a problem taking charge.
It seems most people don’t understand how you don’t want to be around other people every minute of every day. “You ate lunch at a restauraunt by yourself?!?” Yeah, and it was great. I actually got to read the paper instead of hearing about someone else’s version of a crappy day. What it really comes down to is that I have a very low tolerance for any bullshit. I don’t like conversations with a bunch of fluff, and I don’t like spending time answering boring questions. That’s why I like spending time with close friends and family, and that’s about it, because those types of conversations and questions are few and far between. Crowds can be fine every once in a while, and alcohol definitely helps, but for the most part I gotta have my alone time or I’ll fucking kill somebody.
I’m definitely a 1,2,3,7 and 8 from that introvert personality types list.
I’m with you, Mojo. People are fine enough but I don’t want to be out in huge groups all the time. Yet I have no trouble making big friends and, in fact, Mr. Eric is always referring to me as “Ms. Popularity.”
On top of that, I lived in NYC for 8 years and we know that city is chock full of massive crowds, yet I love it.
I don’t get it.
We all have different temperaments, and it’s important to recognize our differences. This area of psychology is important because it’s very very useful and practical.
I believe understanding your own and other people’s temperaments can really help create better lines of communication and help prevent “stepping on toes” when it comes to dealing with others.
My idea of heaven…going to a movie by myself.
Bravo for the introverts!
“I don’t like conversations with a bunch of fluff, and I don’t like spending time answering boring questions.’
never go on a book tour then.
Yep, I’m an introvert as well. I think it sometimes makes me come off as snooty, but really I’m just sort of shy and like to keep to myself.
Yep, I’m an introvert as well. I think it sometimes makes me come off as snooty, but really I’m just sort of shy and like to keep to myself.
i am slow but i get there, too busy actually. i caught your post on me. you are getting a promote, not because you prop’d me, but because your mind opened wider. i need you to keep opening it. i have got a post going up for you and my doubting thomas, on thursday. thanks for thinking.
I love my “alone time” just as much as I love being with friends or family - it’s about balance.
I just went out to dinner the other night, alone, and it was great. :-)
Fellow introvert AND Mojo, checking in. I took a personality test just a week or so ago, it said I would make a good assassin. Nice to know I have options should the pot farm in my basement suffer a bad fungus or something.
PS - Thanks! To you and eric for showing up on my Frapper map.
___________
Monk
http://monkmojo.blogspot.com/
Mojo, I love psychology stuff like this. I, too have a very low tolerance for bullshit. And I really enjoy going to parties and being around people alot of the time, but I need alone time, too. I agree with Laurie & think it’s about balance and just letting others know when yuo need to be alone…
What is this, a bad job interview, what happened to funny stories and anecdotes? This introspective is crap, just like rap! Happy Cristmas!!!
Well, if I wasn’t such a lazy bastard, I’d respond to everyone’s posts individually, but that isn’t the case, so I’m just gonna do a blanket reply. Most of the responses have indicated that balance is really the key to interaction with others. And I completely agree. I guess it’s just more of an issue of where that balance lies for each individual.
Yacmed: eat my balls… if you didn’t abuse me at night with your He-Man figures so often then I wouldn’t have to carry on with this self-psycho-analysis shuttlecockamamy.
[...] Looking Back: “Alone Time“ (12/5/2005) [...]