Toot Tone: The Greatest Invention Ever
I'll admit it. My brothers and I have a problem with gas. I gave my gaseousness a nod in my obsessions and quirks post, but I don't think that really gave it justice. Sure, I mentioned how me and my siblings can clear whole sections of bleachers with our odoriferous emissions, but I probably didn't give the impression that this is an everyday thing.
Well, it is everyday. Thank god our family was blessed with a metabolism that turns anything edible into noxious fumes. I haven't devised a fool-proof way of making money off of this blessing yet, but as soon as I do I'm patenting it. So, until I can figure out how my brothers and I can make our first million from our flatulence, I will leave you with this video. If you haven't seen it already, it's a commercial for the 'Toot Tone', possibly the single greatest invention man has ever created. I'll also have to post about 'Crop Dusting', a sinister game of betrayal and farting that can turn friends into enemies a little too quickly.
After doing my best Encyclopedia Brown imitation, I was able to find out who to give credit for this video. Apparently it's from a Canadian show called "This Hour has 22 Minutes".
With the price of oil & gas these days, there has to be a way you can make big money off your problem. Have you considered approaching one of the pipeline companies and suggesting they hook one of your lines up to your backside? Good luck with it!
Joel: Great idea! Thanks for taking the time to tell me about it. Now if only I can figure out how to make the pipelines portable… hmmm.
Now THIS is what I call WRITING!!
Maybe they could hook you up with the new hybrid motorcycle? I should get the “toot-tone” for the guy in our office we call Shitbeast, of course the way he moans in pleasure after each juicy squirt would still give it away.
I had NO idea that flatulence could be hereditary. Nor did I know that you even had brothers! Is there anything else I should know, Mojo…?
That is to damn funny! You and brothers with the same problem? Your poor mom at Christmas! Remind me to send her some Lysol.
Is this the origin of IHOP’s Rootie Tootie Fresh & Frootie special?
Ignatius: Wow! That’s quite a compliment coming from someone as respected as you!
Robguy: Hmmm… now that’s an idea. The hybrid cycle might be just what this world is looking for. As for Shitbeast, you have one too?
nicole: Yes, unfortunately it is passed down from generation to generation. Sometimes you’re only a carrier, sometimes you show symptoms. And yes, I really do have two brothers, maybe I’ll do a little Mojo family expose in the future…
lisa: Don’t go thinking she’s all innocent now… We probably learned our best sound techniques from that woman.
Poobah: IHOP has a Rootie Tootie Fresh and Frootie special? Oh man… that’s only gonna be fuel for the fire baby!
OK, that two-tone thing looks dangerous. What if it gets lost up there?
Maybe we could use flatulance to knock out the insurgents in Iraq.
I might have some ideas monetizing your “skills” at collecting some debts.
I’ll charge 10% agent fee.
Let me know, LOL
Phoenix: True… getting lost might be a problem. I wonder if they have some sort of retrieval mechanism?
rockyjay: Haha! Now that might actually work! And only 10%? Man, sign me up!
Did you ever see the skit on MadTV where this guy can make his flatulence into an air freshener? His in-laws were visiting and his wife detected a lavender scent. He confessed to her that he can make different smells. The family showed up and they all requested a different scent. They wound up causing the house to explode by forcing him to…uh..perform too much.
Hey, you changed your site format a bit, didn’t you? I like it!
Remember to pattent any of your ideas or at a bare minimum write them down and send them to yourself certified mail. You never want someone to take your ass ideas.
I’m a new reader and I enjoyed this post. I’m with The Phoenix on this, it would bring new meaning to the Dirty Bomb!
Tara: I actually thought of that skit when I first watched this video! I think the last line was something like “Scatological Humor is always funny until someone blows up a house…” Haha! And I changed the site a little, but I’m working on a new template design to make it much easier to navigate and look at.
Jimbo: Why of course! I wouldn’t dare leave one of my fart-money making ideas unpatented!
Furtive Wrangler: Thanks for reading the blog! I’ve added you to the blogroll too!
My son has some of nastiest gas there is. Mine isn’t too shabby either. I’m seeing $$ signs too. Good lookin’ out!!