Cold Sore Blues
I have a cold sore. It’s in the middle of my bottom lip. If you look closely, you might be reminded of pustules caused by some far east parasitic insect. It’s not as bad as these poor souls, but it still pisses me off.
First of all, it looks nasty. Second of all it’s caused by a herpes virus. How fucked up is that? Anyone that knows anything about cold sores is going to know that I have a fucking herpes virus on my bottom lip. And for all you immature nitwits out there, NO, it’s not genital herpes. In fact, if you’ve ever had a cold sore or fever blister then you have some form of herpes simplex virus 1 all up in your grill. If you really care, you’ll read the rest of my plight after the jump.
I have no idea how I got the shit either. I’m pretty sure I’ve been getting a cold sore once per year since I was in 5th or 6th grade. And since I wasn’t the lady’s man back then that I am today, I doubt I got it from making out with a slutty middle school girl.
Chances are, I got it drinking from or slobbering all over a glass that a slutty middle school girl just drank from or slobbered all over. I say that because I wasn’t always as concerned about things like ‘hygiene’ and ’sterile environments’ as I am now. Hell, I probably drank Mountain Dew from a dog bowl when I was that age.
So because Susie B. Slutty couldn’t keep her mouth off every pre-adolescent boy in the 6th grade (coupled with my youthful disregard for germs and bacteria), I am forced to endure the pain of a cold sore about once every year or so.
The real kicker is the medicine you get to use on the damn things. If you clicked on the image at the top of this post, you saw the crap I’m currently slathering on my bottom lip every 15 minutes. Notice the name of the one in the little canister? Yeah, that’s right. The fucking name of it is “Herpecin-L”. As in there is no possible way that shit could be confused with Carmex. If you whip that baby out on a first date, you might as well pull out your dick and start singing B-52 songs, because that has a better chance of you getting laid.
I’ll end on this note: All you 6th graders out there, avoiding other people’s cooties is important. And yes, girls really do have cooties. Just not the cooties you were thinking of. And the threat-level of those cooties increases exponentially as you get older. So wrap that shit up, B!
1st- I saw the link to ‘poor souls’ was a google image search for cold sores, so I was NOT about to click on that. Nuh-uh, no way, no how. I know it’s gonna be gee-ros. Yuk.
And 2nd- what B-52s song are you thinking of. B/c I think it would depend on which song.
yllwdaises: I probably should have put a (gross!) warning right beside the link. And I was thinking of “Love Shack”… cause singing that with your weiner hanging out of your pants is the epitome of pimpalicious!
omg, those google images are frightening.
I was going to recommend Herpecin-L but I see you’re already using it. It does seem to work! But you’re right — I mean, couldn’t they have named it something else? ANYTHING else? it’s so embarrasing to be toting around something with Herpes right in the damn name of the product!
Dawn: “Cootie Lip Cream” would have been better than what they went with.
I share your shame being similarly afflicted :(
I find whenever my resistant is low and sometimes without warning, the coldsore strikes with precise venom. The little bastards!
Cold sores on the mouth can EASILY become herpes on the genitals as well. That’s the scary thing.
Some things I know have helped others:
1)Lysine. Buy this supplement pretty much anywhere. It helps ward off the virus.
2)Valtrex. It’s a dark blue pill, and your doctor can give you a prescription for it. I’ve read it can make a cold sore disappear if you take Valtrex early enough.
I feel your pain bruddah, but in the vast pantheon of infectious diseases, cold sores are pretty low-scale. Buck up. Just tell people a pit bull attacked your lip and you’ll get their sympathy vote.
Furtive Wangler: I’m glad I have someone to share my shame with.
Phoenix: OK, you’re not helping. I don’t know if I really needed to know that.
As far as remedies, I might try Lysine, but I’ll be damned if I’ll ask my doctor for a drug that’s marketed for genital herpes outbreaks.
Poobah: Yeah, it is all about perspective. I’d probably be a little more upset if I had the flesh eating bacteria.
And I did end up lying to someone at work today abotu what it was. I said it was something I got camping and just kept picking at.
So….have you given the cold sores to anyone else?
Eddie: Surprisingly, no. Contrary to popular belief, I’m one of those conscientious people who try and not spread my diseases around.
When you put it that way it’s a miracle we ALL weren’t sporting cold sores back in grade school. We thought nothing of drinking after others or eating food straight off the floor. Five second rule prevailed.
nicole: It’s probably a wonder I’m not dead. Of course I’m probably immune to a whole host of germs because I exposed myself to so many at an early age.
Yeah when i have a cold sore i always bust out the lotion, I thought this article was damn funny about the whip your dick out and sing B 52 songs cuz seriously, Herpecin L it works so good, but everynow and then that shit falls out of your pocket and it’s awkward as hell, I’ve only caught it once the taking the valtrex before the outbreak happened and it worked really well, you can also put ice on it at 1st and it kind of supress’s it until you can get valtrex or its brother which is cheaper called acyplytine or somethin like that I used it for the 1st time like 2 weeks ago and it worked very well and only cost me 10$ compared to the 45$ i spent on valtrex for lip cold sores. I don’t remember ever kissing a girl with a cold sore either, it probably came from my smoking pot days, so always wrap it up try to find your soul mate and stay monogomous
Franz: I’m just glad I’m not the only one with this affliction. It’s good to know the “nasty lip brigade” is in full effect.
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