Quote of the Day - Bebe’s Kids Need a Whupping
This is from my own home town paper. I’m a UK football fan, and I’m glad they had a successful year last year. But let me put a little context with this particular QOTD. A couple of UK football players, who happen to be brothers, had a little trouble with grades last spring. Their father is a military type, and the newspaper felt the need to try and hype this up because military fathers are all supposed to be hardcore strict, right?
There wasn’t much of a story there, but they did happen to get a gem of a quote from the father before it was said and done:
“Besides, they’ve gotten too big for me to whup. I’d have to get my .22.”
Wuh? Excuse me? Let me get this straight. Your sons are big burly football players now and it’s not so easy to administer corporal punishment anymore, so the next course of violence would be to pull a gun on them? Sounds reasonable to me.
I know he was just making a point, but come on! There are all types of things you could have said instead of “.22″ that would have gotten the point across without conjuring up the image of executing your sons hit-man style behind a sleazy pawn shop.
Let me offer up some suggestions that could have worked quite a bit better. “Besides, they’ve gotten too big for me to whup. I’d have to get my ________.”
- bulldozer (humorous because it’s so outlandish)
- cattle prod
- wife’s rolling pin (because undertones of spousal abuse is a great way to change the subject)
- Thor’s Hammer
- baseball bat (this one’s iffy, but bat beatings are still more socially acceptable)
- Army issue bazooka (also humorous because it’s so outlandish)
See, now how difficult was that?
This is absolutely true. “I can’t discipline my kids anymore, so I’m just gonna have to murder them. Hahaha.”
JJ: Long time no see J-meister… is being a rock star taking up too much of your time?
Yeah sorta. That and work. But I just couldn’t let you mention UK without a comment from your favorite Gator. Football champs and back to back b-ball titles. Fuck yeah!
I rarely smite using Thor’s Hammer unless my usual Poobah thunderbolts are in the shop.
JJ: I don’t have much room to talk. Hard enough just working.
Oh yeah, and fuck the Gators! Billy D is gonna be tossing Billy G’s salad pretty soon. Florida’s time on top is over! Woo hoo!
Poobah: I wanna see some of that action. The Poobah smiting indiscriminately at the Fox News studios… righteous.
I’m thinking “Thor’s Hammer” is my favorite.
It sounds like the father has contemplated shooting his boys.
Phoenix: Kind of weird that it seems like he’s already been giving this some thought, huh?
I think I like “cattleprod” the best…LOL…
MuzicLaura: If he had been quoted as saying that it would have been hilarious.