I’m a Lumberjack and I’m OK…
Well, I actually have an excuse for another long hiatus between posts, and this time it’s not lame! I was on vacation, or more accurately an extended weekend. Where did I go you ask? Why, to Gatlinburg, Tennessee of course! The non-gambling version of Reno for us Southerners. I swear the place is like an anomaly in the space-time continuum. You would never think a place like that could exist up in the Smoky Mountains.
First, you get off the interstate and head towards some town called Sevierville. Apparently, it’s pronounced ’severe-ville’, as in “You have a SEVERE case of the clap”. To me, it looks more like ’see-vur-ville’, as in “SEE VURn, I told you Bessy was pregnant.” But who am I to argue with the natives? Right after passing through Sevierville, you come upon an endearing little town called Pigeon Forge. If you’ve never had the pleasure of going to Pigeon Forge, then you’ve never had the pleasure of riding a quadruple-decker go-cart track called ‘The Woody’ either! My first thought about entering the city limits on what is lovingly referred to as THE STRIP, was “Yippee! Sinners and gamblers are alive and well in the Smokies!” But I was wrong. The flashing neon lights, sleazy wedding chapels, rows of tacky stores and cheap entertainment venues weren’t as sinful as I had first taken them to be.
One of the first electronic signs that we noticed driving into the city was for a Jesus-themed theatre hall. The damn thing nearly blinded me! It switched back and forth from showing the devil with his ‘come hither’ look to Jesus saying something like “Buy tickets and I’ll save you sinner!” Except the Jesus part was about 10,000,000 lumens too bright to be just twenty feet from the road. Once I regained my vision, I was able to back my truck off of the Dollywood sign I had run over and continue on my merry way.
After all that, you get to drive through about 5 miles of wooded highway bordered by a mountain stream. Then when you arrive in downtown Gatlinburg, you start to see how weird this area of the country really is. There are more wedding chapels here than in Pigeon Forge and all of the hotels and shops are built right next to each other overhanging the streams and creeks that run through the middle of downtown.
The four nights my girl and I spent in the area provided some great material for stories too. The first of which I’ll tell you about in this post. We stayed the first two nights in this pretty nice hotel downtown. I had searched quite a few to find one that I thought I’d like. The real selling point appears in this description of the room:
These suites offer panoramic views of the Smokies and Gatlinburg, mirrored ceilings, private balconies, and seasonal fireplaces.
Did you catch which amenity sold me on that particular hotel? Well, if you didn’t, then obviously you’re not as big of a pervert as I am. It was the mirrored ceilings! As soon as I saw those, I just knew I had to stay there. And let me tell you, they’re as cool as they sound. If I get some PG-13 rated pictures back from the camera, I’ll be sure to post them. There’s nothing quite like looking up at the ceiling and thinking “Hey, that’s me! Look what I’m doing!” I’ve still got quite a few stories to tell from this weekend, but those will wait for posts later this week. You get to look forward to ‘karaoke night’, ‘knife store supreme’, ‘band geeks gone wild’, and of course ‘crotchless panties rock too’.
[tags]vacation, Gatlinburg, humor, funny, story, mirrored ceilings[/tags]
Glad you had fun! Mirrored ceilings huh? you perv. Now if they’d been fun house mirrored ceilings …
I must be a big perv too, because the mirrored ceilings gave me a warm tingling feeling in a certain area………….
Mirrored ceilings???? There are tons of hotels with mirrored closets next to the bed too.
Sounds like you had a great vacation.
You know, if you read the post without the visual aid of the Dolly photo? That first sentence can be a little frightening.
So first of all, I’m so hurt that you went on vacation and didn’t take the rest of us! And I’m also shocked that you can recall a word like “lumens” so soon after returning from interstate travel. But hey, at least you had fun with mirrors… ;)
Robguy: Hmmm… I don’t know if I would need any more help looking wierd in a mirror.
april: A certain area? My, what could that be? :)
Phoenix: True, the mirrored closets are fun too… but nothing beats a good full length mirror right above the bed.
nicole: I didn’t get what you meant until I looked at the feed version of the post. Apparently, the feed put the ‘alt’ title of the image as the beginning of the post but didn’t include the image itself… So yes! It would be weird without the photo!
And thanks for everyone that said they were glad I had a good time! It really was nice to get away for a while.
omg, the mirrored ceilings thing brings back bad, bad memories for me!
Dawn: Bad memories? Oh do tell!
[...] I promised to start writing stories this week, and I won't disappoint. I'll start off with the retelling of the most annoying part of our trip. It was our last morning in the hotel in downtown Gatlinburg before we went up to the cabin in the mountains. I'm just mildly hungover from the night before, so you can probably imagine the mood I was in. At approximately 8am, on a Saturday mind you, I hear the first trumpet from the parking lot outside. [...]
[...] I first saw them last year on our trip to Gatlinburg, and I knew someday I just had to ride one. I mean, who gets to say they road on a go cart track with four levels? Only cool people is what I say! [...]
[...] I promised I’d write about why crotchless panties rock as much as mirrored ceilings. Well, you’re in luck because I’ve finally decided to share that secret with you. Actually it’s not a secret, crotchless panties just rock. There’s just something about a girl wearing evening attire that she doesn’t even half to take off that gets me all randy. She gets to keep on her expensive but sexy lingerie and I get to have my way with her. What’s not to like? [...]