That’s My Good Friday!

I know, it’s not really Good Friday, but I couldn’t think of a better title for today’s post. You see, I’ve been doing an informal study for some months now on driving behavior patterns on Fridays. It seems there have been some interesting anomolies presented by the data I’ve collected. And by data of course I mean everything I see whilst driving to and from work on Fridays. I’ve heard there are more scientific methods, but I’ll be damned if I know what they are.

My interest in this subject was piqued when I noticed that driving home on Friday afternoons was noticeably quicker than the rest of the week. In fact, I could switch lanes without looking! I tried this multiple times, going from the right lane to the left lane and back again, and after about the fifth try I knew I was on to something.

I started to form my hypothesis. My first thought was that most of the working populace left work early on Fridays. This was evident because I don’t usually leave work early on Fridays, and I was able to switch lanes without looking. So after a week of intense analysis I was able to come up with the data for you below:

This seemed to satisfy my hypothesis, and I was almost ready to publish my findings in a reputable scientific journal. That was, until I started going to work on time. You may not know this either, but it seems there’s this magical time in the morning where traffic is heavy too! I had no idea when people said “morning rush hour” that they were referring to a real-life phenomenon! I was flummoxed. This threw a whole new demension into my scientific study.

I had to work fast to revise my hypothesis. If I could track the traffic patterns going to and from work I could make a break through! It was crunch time, so naturally I looked at some porn to calm myself, and then came up with a hypothesis that would be tough to disprove. I surmised that people were not really leaving work early on Fridays, but not coming into work at all! So I tirelessly drove to work on time morning after morning to collect my data. It was difficult work, but a true scientist pours his heart and soul into his endeavors. Finally, after 3 grueling weeks of going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting up on time, I was able to compile my data. You might be shocked at what you see below:

Notice a trend? Yes the two charts of data seem very similar at first, but if you look at the numbers, Monday through Thursday’s percentage of workers who don’t go to work are slightly lower than the percentage I had first thought were just leaving work early. The coup degrace though? Look at Friday. The data for both charts is the same! That means that what I thought was 45% of workers leaving their jobs early was actually 45% of workers not even going into work at all. My hypothesis is correct! Now I can get published.

So please keep an eye out for this study to appear in a nationally recognized journal. Hell, it might even make it into USA Today! And on a side note, I’m currently trying to locate contact information of some scientific journals. So if you know of any, hook me up peeps!

Disclaimer: All of the above scientific data was collected using the most modern scientific techniques. If you have a problem with the conclusions drawn above, please get in touch with God, ’cause I ain’t havin’ it.