Words Women Use
Since ngregory00 has gone ahead and slipped back into posting email forwards, I think I’m allowed to post at least one. For my first humorous forward, I’m going with:
Words Women Use
- “Fine” - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
- “Five Minutes” - If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
- “Nothing” - This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.
- “Go Ahead” - This is a dare, not permission, DON’T DO IT!
- “Loud Sigh” - Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
- “That’s Okay” - This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
- “Thanks” - This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you’re welcome and back out of the room slowly.
My girlfriend sent this to me and most of her friends with the line:
Poor [mojotek]–I think he’s had experience with all of these :-)
Damn right I have! What kind of sick game do these females play? They’re the ones that are supposed to be so good at communication, so why do they suck so badly at it? Us males are masters of taking stuff at face value, so why can’t women throw us a bone every now and then?
Probably the one that gets under my skin the most is “Go Ahead”. Wow, only a teenager in high school would think that “Go ahead and hang out with your friends if you want”, actually means just that. I know better than to think it’s ok to go to the strip club with my buddies after she’s told me to “Go ahead and do it”… I’m no fool. If you know what’s good for you, fellas, you’d better sit down and pull the ol’ dreaded ‘talk it out’ before you go gallivanting off with your buds.
Note: No my girlfriend is not a bitch, and if anyone tells her I posted this I’ll kill you. And if you’re reading this, baby, I didn’t mean any of it, I swear. *nudge nudge wink wink say no more*
Oh man…th word ALWAYS gets back. If I were you, I’d start planning an escape route now. Your life may become a hell and you need to get away!
Run man! Run!
Poobah: I was just being sarcastic, she reads my blog regularly… so hopefully she knows it really was tongue-in-cheek. Right baby? Baby? Right?
*high-five* for truth. i don’t know how many times i’ve seen guys get caught with “fine” and “go ahead”. you’d think they’d know its a setup by now.
Mojo you are so wise. so I guess you and your baby never fight, since you know it all??!!!! Actually that is the biggest mistake my husband makes is CLAIMING to know how my mind works & then it is even more annoying when he gets stuff all wrong. My advice to you? Claim ignorance about what makes women tick. Ignorance is bliss and often a great excuse!
eric: I wonder how you couldn’t know it’s a set up. Unless its your first time making that mistake, hten maybe I can see playing the ignorance card.
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Dear Jane: Uhhh… Of course, we never fight… I know exactly what she wants all the time :).
OK, maybe the list doesn’t have everything right (it IS an email forward), but I’m not backing down on “Nothing” and “Go Ahead“. Those always mean the same thing regardless of what kind of female you are!
But Mojo! You’re supposed to know what we’re thinking! See…here’s my theory. I became a lesbian simply because men couldn’t read my mind. They weren’t psychics. Women have this capability to read minds. Go figure. ;)
so you mean all those years in schools i should have been learning to mind read instead of school work, damnit.
A female friend of mine once forwarded an article about how women use 2x as much of their brain for communication and that’s why women were so much better at communication. I told her it just meant that women needed 2x the brain power to keep up with men.
Deb: Are you sure that’s the only reason you became a lesbian? It wasn’t because women have bodies that are so fun to touch, and feel, and…. uh.. er… nevermind.
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eric: I actually tried that in High School. I never could read the minds of the smart kids, but it was pretty easy to ‘read the minds’ of the jocks and the cheerleaders.
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Robguy: Oh no you didn’t! Snap! That’s actually damn good.
One more:
“I’m ready”,
Which means; she has to go to bathroom ONE more time just to play it sure, she has to touch up her make-up ONE more time, she has to switch her shoes ONE MORE time. However, this means, you have to be ready and stand by the door in your shoes on watching her protocol. The fancier occasion, the longer this phase takes.
I don’t say go ahead, instead I say, “Do what you want!” Which means, you’d better do what I want and not what you want. Unfortunately that has proven to blow up in my face because he’ll do it anyway and say, “You told me to do what I want!”
But I NEVER say nothing when something is wrong. I have no problem with telling him what’s on my mind.
You should take your girlfriend with you and your buddies to the strip club. I love going with my husband. I get more attention from the dancers than he does. =)
RockyJay: Yeah… but I can’t really get on a woman for that, since I’ve done it WAY too many times myself. (Yeah I know that sounds gay)
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April: Oh, she definitely comes with us to the Strip Clubs. I have amuch better time when she’s along.
Women say the darndest things LOL
and you are so right about Pat Robinson
Thanks for visiting my site
David
Okay, now I feel like a TOTAL slacker for slipping back into the forwards rut. Man, I suck!!!
Yeah. It IS kinda gay for a dude to touch up his make up before leaving their apartment…
With men, the world is such a simple place. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and “fine” means “great.”
With women, the world is complex - there is no black and white, just muddled grey. The sky is red, the grass is purpse, and “fine” means “terrible.”
I think for women it’s a game, a puzzle - they send out mixed signals just to mess with us and see if we can decipher what they say. Like the world is one big soduku game.
Strippers don’t have me feel their boobs, but they don’t have a problem feeling mine. And like you, my husband just sits there with a shit-eating grin on his face. The best time he ever had was when one of the strippers took me on stage and gave me a “hot seat” dance. Although I must admit that it probably turned me on more than him.
David: Yes they do… and I think I spelled his name wrong on the comment I left on your site. I think I wrote Pat Robinson instead of Robertson.
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ngregory00: Sorry, I thought I would use you as an excuse post my own… so just think of calling you out as my own insecurities surfacing in my blog posts. :)
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The Phoenix: I think it is a game… probably devised to help women figure out who can really know them on a deeper level, and therefore sees what she’s really thinking/feeling.
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April: That’s me, shit-eating grin all the way! I don’t know if my girl’s up for a “hot seat” dance yet, but hopefully I can talk her into it… maybe after a few ‘Jager-bombs’.
S’okay, Mojo. It’s the thought (and the shout out) that counts! :)
And you? INSECURE?! As if!
i don’t think I pull that Go Ahead one. if I didn’t want my husband to do something, I”d bitch about. I don’t think I’ve ever said Go Ahead and then bitched about it later.
ngregory00: Insecure? Yeppers… well, maybe… Ok, just every once in a while.
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Dawn: Good… I know he’d much rather hear about it up front rather than later on. :)
This is too funny! And so acurate!