The Manscaping Quandary
I was inspired by Canadian journalist Patrick White’s body grooming misadventures to tell a little of my own story about back hair and Robin Williamsesque fuzziness. This is the first installment in what will come to be known as “The Man Grooming Series”.
First, let’s set the stage. I’m a hairy guy. Not the hairEST guy, but hairy none-the-less. Always have been. Other than my father being a hairy-chested Irishman, the first indication when I was growing up that I would end up such a hairy gorilla occurred in my high school locker room.
If you’re only 15, and an Iranian guy on your wrestling team comments that you’re hairier than an Arab, you know you’re never going to be an Abercrombie model. Thems the breaks kid. Hell, I wasn’t even that hairy then. I was just the only guy on the whole wrestling team who had any chest hair at all.
I’ve only gone through the trouble of shaving my chest once. And there’s a reason it was just that one time. I was 20 years old and living in the dorms. I was tired of looking like Burt Reynolds when I took my shirt off, so I thought I’d give it the ol’ college try. No one ever told me when that shit grows back you’ll be scratching yourself like a meth-mouth muhfugga.
I’m no scientist, but I’m guessing the front of your torso makes up about 30% of your skin’s surface area (depending on how big your ass is). So just imagine how ants crawling all over 30% of your body would feel. When you can feel every follicle on your chest trying to regain its 70’s level extravagance, you’ll wish you’d just let your man-carpet be.
Link via [Fark]
Also see: Part 2 of the “Man Grooming Series”
You may not be a scientist, but you certainly sound like a scientician.
ACW: I do sound like a scientician! There may be a career change in my near future.
I don’t think that chest hair is gross. It’s the excessive back, nose and ear hair that makes me throw up in my mouth. I’d suggest that you get it waxed, but I’m sure you’ve seen The 40 Year Old Virgin, so that won’t work. But chest hair is chest hair and at our age, women are starting to like that shit…..
One word, buddy: LASER
imagine how women feel, having to do kinds of ‘grooming’ down there…it sucks! oh, to have grown up in the 70s when bush was ‘in’. ;)
how come i never get any credit? how many time did you bribe me to shave your back hair? half-dozen at least. I want my innocence back!
If you ever get the winky waxed I have to at least see video (of the look on your face)! A back wax doesn’t really hurt that much - nothing like the chest. Laser is supposed to be perm, but you need to make several appointments and it’s expensive. For the chest I recommend simply trimming if you get bushier than you like, it doesn’t itch all that much and only for a couple days. I hear the phillips body groomer broke all expectations for sales.
April: Well, I do keep it all in check. Just because I’m hairy doesn’t mean I don’t keep it under control. I just don’t think I’ll ever get a chest wax.
Phoenix: If I could afford it, I’d actually consider it.
webmiztris: Oh, the sacrifices you women make for beauty. I’m hoping something that never makes a return though, is 70’s bush. No thanks.
Regal Lager: You’re spoiling one of my future posts!
Robguy: I’ll make a deal with you. If I ever get my winky waxed, I will definitely video tape it and post it to my blog. And I actually bought one of those body groomers from Norelco. I’ll be writing a post about that too!
for a good laugh about all of this…
http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/
minijonb: Their online commercial is hilarious…
Why would someone ever want to shave their chest.
Male chest hair is the most beautiful, sexy, and most natural thing in the world.
No guy can ever look bad with an ample supply of sexy-looking chest hair.
Have you seen a picture of Philadelphia Philles player Pat Burrell shirtless. If you are lucky enough to do so, you will know what I am talking about.
Thain about it!
Jerry: Pat Burrell? I dunno. Does he have any baseball cards I would be familiar with? Do you have any pictures?
http://www.phawker.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/burrell.jpg
While he looks pretty good… I have to say I think his chest hair has been trimmed.
Robguy: Oh, it’s definitely been trimmed. And to what Jerry said, I’m not advocating shaving your chest, but does trimming a little hurt anything?
You’ve got to be crazy to think about waxing “down there”! OUCH!!! I found an excellent personal shaver that comes with a trimmer and a finisher - so it’s perfect for getting all areas really smooth - http://www.ez-hairremoval.com. There is also a free manscaping ebook you can download right from the blog!