Mojo Goes Whitewater Rafting

I went whitewater rafting this weekend. It was a blast. I’m still sore, even though we actually went rafting on Friday. So that just goes to show you how out of shape I am. We actually flipped the raft on the last class 5 rapid, which was scary for some of the first-timers. We bought the DVD of the trip, so hopefully I can post a few quick segments showing our wipeout. I’ve also got some pictures of the adventure after the jump.

I think my favorite part(s) about the whole trip were the two girls that got assigned to our raft who were decked out in full makeup. I mean come on, who wears ALL their regular makeup to go whitewater rafting? They were with their husbands, who were really cool. But I couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t mention to their wives that it was OK to just put enough makeup on that you didn’t look like a zombie.

I’m in front on the left.

In this one you get a good shot of our guide, “Dane”, the guy in the back with sunglasses and a yellow cut-off shirt. He was a little crazy, which is the way I like it.

In that last picture you can see the two girls with full ‘faces’ on. They’re the only two girls whose mugs you can see on the right side of the picture. We decided that our guide, Dane, flipped the raft on purpose. I think it was his way of getting the girls with too much makeup on into the water. After watching the video, I swear he steered us into the rapid sideways on purpose.

Dane was cool enough to let a few of us jump off ‘BFR’ or Big Fucking Rock’. I wasn’t awesome enough to dive head-first or do a front -lip like the two other guys who decided to jump, but I’m cool with it. The dude who jumped head-first broke his sunglasses and messed up one of his ear drums, and the guy who did a front flip landed in the water about 8 inches from busting his head wide open. So I’m fine with saying all I did was a ‘can opener’ off a 25 foot high rock in the middle of the Lower Gauley River. No one else from our ‘trip’ got to jump, so it was nice to know how much better we were than everybody else.

Crazy Dane even let us swim a few of the rapids. The key phrase was, “You can accidently fall out now if you want.” Turns out that there are a few rapids that you’re not really supposed to swim. We found that out when a guide from another company started bitching at two of the people from our raft that were in the water. She was all, “Sir! When I extend my paddle to you, you take it! We don’t normally swim this part of the river! Do you know how unsafe that is! Blah blah blah…” You should have seen how funny it looked to have those two people ‘escorted’ back to us seated in the middle of their raft. They looked like a couple of POWs with their heads hung low.

I would have had a miserable time if we were stuck with a guide like that. She was one stuck up bitch. You know the type. One of those bitches who gets drunk on the tiniest bit of power. I’m glad she wasn’t talking trash to me, I would have mooned her and started screaming that she hit me with her paddle.

So if you like guides that are a little nuts, and don’t mind camping outdoors, I recommend “Extreme Expeditions” in West Virginia, and ask for Dane as your guide. We ended up going on the Lower Gauley, but I think I’d like to try the more ‘dangerous’ Upper Gauley next time.