Dewey, Cheetum, & Howe

I’ve tried to get into checking out a few blogs here and there to get a feel for what everyone else does while they’re slacking off. Came across this guy, who seems to have a penchant for glamorizing his career. When I first read his posts, I had an open mind. Then I started reading a few more in his archive and started getting sick of the dude. Then I spent a lot of the afternoon and evening thinking about what he wrote and why it got under my skin. I guess it really comes down to this: The guy seemingly has a very “successful” career in which he can only covet the most rudimentary human soap opera interactions as interesting. Here’s a quote that I particularly like:

“It reminds me of when a summer associate was mindlessly fidgeting with the plastic cockroach I was sent by a client (the client was a leading extermination firm) and accidentally snapped the head right off of it. He was thoroughly embarrassed as it flew halfway across the room, hitting the fourth-year associate in the office with us. I laughed it off at the time, and no one ever made another mention of it. What he never figured out was that when he came back after graduation to work for the firm full-time, that incident was the reason why he ended up with the office by the bathroom. You see, sometimes we pretend something isn’t an issue, but we never really forget. It all comes back around eventually.”

First thought: “Pretentious small-membered bitch who compensates with his powerful and lucrative position as a partner in a law firm”. Upon further inspection: “Success-drunk middle-aged white guy who can’t possibly see events from another perspective, but is rather blunt and honest about human nature.” Maybe that’s not so bad. Hell, wouldn’t you want to have some insight into how sleeze-balls really think? I’m being serious mind you. I call this guy a sleeze-ball because he actually is, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know how his mind operates.

What I really want to do is give this guy a ‘Gangsta Hug’. You know, when you come up to him in his office, slap the shit out of him with your right hand and then pull him in for a hug with your left. Followed by gently telling him, “Don’t worry, its all gonna be ok. We all know what drives man; the need to feel important. You chose to feel important by going to a 1st Tier Law School and landing a partner position with a 1st Tier Law Firm. We’re all happy you have found an outlet for your ambitious desires. But please be aware that you will not be remembered in the end. You will not have come up with any ideas that will have benefited mankind and will live on indefinitely. You will not have changed the world in any meaningful way. Your grandkids won’t look up at you and think how they can’t imagine a greater man. And no one will read your name a century from now in any publication you might have been mentioned in and think to themselves: ‘Boy, they sure don’t make them like that anymore.’”

So, to that I say: Go forth ye sleeze-balls! And make thy fortunes, and don’t worry about doing something that could truly make thee a great man, and judge thy success on how you stack up to the other grease-balls, because every gangsta knows its all about thy cheddah!

[tags]rant, commentary, blog, lawyer[/tags]