Top 10 Reasons Why Soccer is Doomed in the US - Part 1
In honor of the latest World Cup coming to an end, I'd like to take a few moments and wax philosophical about some of soccer/futbol/football's more endearing qualities. This is post contains reasons 1 through 5. Please check back later this week for reasons 6 through 10.
This is an extended post, as there's plenty more ranting and raving after the jump.*
1.) Every act on the field could become international news
Only a handful of people in the United States even knew the name Zinedine Zidane before the World Cup final. But now that he headbutted some Italian shmuck for making coarse references to his mother and Algerian ancestory, the world is aghast at his behavior. Yeah, I know, a head to the sternum can potentially be deadly, but come on. People shoot each other in the street over shoes everyday. Lets pepper this with a little reality, shall we?
2.) The more of a pussy you are, the better
Basically, the equation is this: the better you are at faking a foul and an injury, the more you are rewarded. I've read articles that defend the 'art' of diving, and as someone who actually plays the sport, I call bullshit. In no other sport are the theatrics of feigning an injury actually met with such positive reinforcement. The only comparison might be taking a charge in basketball, and there might be a few similarities, but the rules for a charge are very straight forward and faking one just makes you look stupid. The video below is an advertisement, but I'll be damned if I don't see those moves every time I turn on a professional soccer game.
I believe sports should reward you for your toughness and heart, not your ability to cry like a little bitch.
3.) 3-2 is a very high scoring game
Let's face it, we Americans have short attention spans. We need points to pile up on the scoreboard or we're lost. Nothing drove this point home to me more than watching the final of the World Cup between Italy and France. I was actually disappointed in myself for wishing that someone would just score and get the damn thing overwith. We were making our cousins up in Boston watch the game and every five minutes they'd ask, "Is this how much they typically score?" I couldn't blame them, as I was just as pissed that we had to sit through two overtimes and a shootout just to know the champion.
See what a commenter at the Volokh Conspiracy had to say on the subject of scoring in soccer:
3) Too much randomness. Scoring just seems too "lucky." . . . So much has to go right just to make a shot go in. . . . if I get 3 clear shots on goal and score 1, am I really better than the team that gets 4 shots but doesn't score any?
4) The infrequency of scoring. Not because "we Americans need action", and "action = scoring". But because, like someone above said, 1-0 is a blowout, and 2-0 is the beating of a lifetime. Basically if I'm losing by 2 with 10 minutes, I have such a small chance of winning that it's not even worth playing. There's no suspense. Game's over. . . .
I couldn't have said it better myself.
4.) Fans are WAY too hostile
We've all heard the stories. Hell, I'm sure some of you have even been witness to some of this. It's a well known fact that outside of the United States, soccer fans are just plain bonkers. From riots to stampedes to fireworks in the the bleachers, violence and hooligans are two things easily associated with soccer fans. I mean, check out this video of fans shooting roman candle fireworks onto the field in the middle of the game. Talk about a hot pitch.
5.) Its a sport of the suburbs (in the U.S.)
Let's face it. In the US, soccer is by and large a sport for the affluent suburbs. There's a whole culture around it. The suburban mom shuttles the kids back and forth to their games and practices when they're young. Then, by the time the young 'uns reach their teen years they've really cultivated this sense of 'suburb superiority'. I can't tell you how many pricks I've played with and against who displayed this type of attitude. See the real problem is soccer isn't going to work its way into inner-cities anytime soon. It's still one of those lily-white sports like golf, cheerleading, and of course polo. Who really wants to play a sport that's only championed by the more well-to-do white folks in this country? If I didn't have a bum knee, I wouldn't even be playing soccer... I would have stuck with Rugby.
Please remember to check out part 2 later this week!
*Keep in mind that I play soccer, and have for most of my life. I love playing, but DAMN, there's only so much bullshit you can put up with.
#5 is true… but why?
Soccer is immensly popular in other countries’ slums. Why is the sport relegated to America’s upper-middle class?
JJ: That’s a very good question. It’s not like soccer is more expensive than football or basketball… it’s gotta be some cultural thing I just don’t get yet.
I think it is a cultural issue. Suburbia has adopted soccer as one of those activities their children MUST do, so it’s pretty much shoved into that category. It’s a little weird, but that’s the way it is.
I played tennis, so I pretty much get it.
Hockey is also a low-scoring game, and the players also feign with diving.
What’s my point? I guess I don’t have one, considering hockey is not very popular in the US either.
2.) The more of a pussy you are, the better
You need to start watching more club soccer, and less world cup soccer.
3.) 3-2 is a very high scoring game
There’s far more suspense and excitement in a 0-0 game or a 1-0 game than in a 95 - 76-, a 9-3- or a 36-7 game.
4.) Fans are WAY too hostile
Rubbish. Given the extensive amount of games played each day in top flight leagues, it’s inevitable that something’s going to happen a couple of times per year. Most fans are just there to support their teams, no matter what sport, both at home and away games.
Besides soccer there’s womens Volleyball http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eeFQJoNVoA, mens Basketball http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbi8-kQIEKg and ice hockey http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6986787391098573734&q=tifo. Both clubs also have soccer teams.
It’s also worth mentioning that most violence often associated with soccer in reality doesn’t have much to do with soccer at all. Most of the time it’s organized gangs who arrange fights far away from the stadiums.
The video you posted hardly depicts anything violent, and there’s no players on the pitch.
Then there’s the advantage of no silly revenue sharing and meaningless games due to playoffs and no promotion/relegation format.
oh …..and baseball http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVW6TMx57hE.
Phoenix: I definitely agree. Weird, but definitely the way it is.
Eddie: Yeah, but hockey is the one sport that doesn’t expel you from a game for fighting. They just put you in a penalty box. It’s still a suburban sport, but the violence it entails gives it enough popularity to have a successful pro franchise.
santa claus: Wow, I didn’t know the Japanese were so rabid for baseball.
Agreed on pretty much all points. The “little bitch” rant is totally on point. I couldn’t believe that hurling yourself on the ground and throwing a dramatized hissy fit could actually result in a foul. This is frickin soccer not acting class.
i can’t understand why suburbia forces soccer on children either. i guess they figured, whats the sport where once the match is over he will be too tired to bug me? and thus soccer was his name. 90 mins plus penalty time, perfect.
alsi soccer fans are crazy because its more about national or city pride then just what team you like. here we have guys that pick teams based on the draft and line up, there its, you rep your hood or your ass is gonna get beat.
nicole: It’s worse than any NBA player has ever tried to get away with for getting a charging foul called. And that’s pretty bad by itself.
eric: Interesting way to look at it. Just another way of pacifying your hyperactive hellions so that you don’t have to actually take care of them when they’re home.
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Santa Claus: I just approved your first comment, so I just now got to read your illustrious words. Rest assured however that I still like soccer, its just doomed to fail here. You may call ‘rubbish’ on my claim that soccer fans are way too violent, but you never here about players getting killed or referees being mobbed for professional sports here in the US. We don’t exactly exude class at sporting events, but there’s still a line we don’t cross.
But thank you for weighing on all the way from Amsterdam. That’s pretty damn cool.
suburbia equals massive amounts of money being spent on building soccer fields and basbeball diamonds. that is taken care of.
Hey Mate,
I read your article and I’ve got a lotta problems with it.
1) Every act becoming an international event?
Come on now. Dennis Rodman has kicked a camera man, head butted a ref, and Ron Artest runs into the stands to fight fans. Have you heard of anything of this sort with Major League Soccer? I didn’t think so.
2) The more of a pussy you are the better?
It depends on what country you’re from. I’ve played football since I was 5 and I’ve never been taught that ‘diving is good.’ That’s a buncha bollocks if you ask me. I know that the South Americans are more known for it, and that it is there, but a small percentage dive consistently, and those that do, are not respected. In fact, they are respected less cos they are weak in the tackle and can’t take it like a man.
3) 3-2 is a high scoring match!
It’ll take awhile for Yanks to grasp football. That’s why when a goal is scored, it is all the more exciting. If games started being 7-5 or whatever, it would be bad for the game. A lot of Yanks have only watched collegiate ’soccer’ or MLS. Why not watch some UEFA Champions League on ESPN? Or watch the Premiership? Now that’s some great football. MLS has a ways to go and just isn’t as fun to watch.
4) Fans are too hostile?
We’re just passionate mate. The hooligan element will probably always be there, (as long as the pubs are) but it is a small minority. Now, PSG (Paris St. Germain) has the Boulogne Boys who are pretty bad. And other clubs have other firms, but as long as you don’t go to the wrong part of London wearing the wrong team colors, then you’ll be fine. You have to have that awareness. But don’t say that ALL fans are hostiles. That’s just plain rubbish.
5) It is a sport of the suburbs — but you don’t need to be rich to play. In fact, football is probably one of the cheapest sports in the world. Kids in Brazil kick balls of yarn or pieces of fruit, or even tennis balls. There are cultural differences of the suburbs vs. the city, white vs. black, etc. It’s a shame that you’ve met some wankers in the burbs, but not everybody is like that. I’ve met some hyper-competitive parents who need seven shades a shit beat outta them, but there’s always arses everywhere you go.